A friend tells me that her mother still refers to a mother-daughter vacation they took years ago as “the torture trip.” What was intended to be a sweet week of pampering and bonding degraded into petty annoyances, nit-picking and constant bickering in that oh-so-special way that only mothers and daughters have. While they can laugh about it now, and they have successfully vacationed together since then, hearing her experience makes me think carefully when planning special girls trip getaways for my young adult daughter and me.
Here are some tips on how to prevent your mother-daughter trip from turning into torture, and how Backroads can help.
Involve her in the planning.
This is her trip too, and she may have precious few vacation days if she’s relatively new to the workforce. She should get to decide how to use those days. Is she an outdoor adventure enthusiast? Does she want a more easygoing trip with plenty of downtime for pampering? Does she prefer museums or zip-lining? Boutique hotels or a ship cabin? Backroads offers all these options (sometimes on the same trip), and including her as an equal partner early in the conversation can help you be sure to plan a girls trip you’ll both enjoy.
Be prepared to compromise.
If your daughter has been away at school or lives on her own now, it might come as a surprise to you that she has developed interests that are vastly different from yours or that have changed significantly since she was living under your roof. So while the lacemaking history of Burano may be fascinating to you, she may have her heart set on going thrifting. Can you figure out a way to do both? Maybe the full, four-hour lacemaking experience is too much to ask, but she might be willing to sit through the one-hour tour in exchange for spending the rest of the afternoon in a funkier part of town perusing vintage coats and shoes.
Allow for individual preferences.
Taking a vacation together doesn’t mean you have to be an inseparable mother-daughter duo. If the logistics of compromising and pleasing you both won’t seem to work, there’s nothing wrong with spending some time apart and exploring on your own.
One appeal of a Backroads trip is that it offers different activity levels, allowing each person to choose their own pace. You can decide to adventure together or separately, according to your own level and interest. For example, I enjoy getting out on the hiking trail but am not so into rafting or kayaking. My daughter loves the water and tolerates moderate hikes. So, I could go for the Level 4, 12-mile hike while she opts for the Level 2, five-miler and extra time in the blue waters of the hotel’s infinity pool.
In off-the-beaten-path locations or unfamiliar locales, you may hesitate to venture off on your own or be concerned about your daughter being on her own. When traveling with Backroads, there’s peace of mind in knowing that locations and activities have been carefully vetted and experienced Trip Leaders are on hand to offer guidance or handle any issues that may arise.
Find opportunities to interact with other people.
Being with anyone 24/7 has the potential to be somewhat draining, even when it’s one of the people you love most in the world. Besides, your travel experience is greatly enriched when you meet people from other parts of the world, whether fellow travelers or residents. Who knows--you may even make a lifelong friend. I am still in touch with an Australian whom I met in Amsterdam back when we were both in college. Since that time, we have stayed in touch through careers, marriages and raising families, arranging to meet up in Rome, London and on both coasts of the US, wherever and whenever we both happen to be on the same continent at the same time.
It's especially nice if both you and your daughter can hang out with some same-age adventure buddies. As an adult (18+), your daughter is welcome to join any Classic Backroads trip. However, keep in mind that Backroads is the only company that offers family travel trips for distinct age groups, including options tailored to older kids—such as Families with Teens & Young 20s and Families with Young Adults (20s & Beyond). So, when you suggest a Family trip to your daughter, she needn’t worry about being stuck with the elementary-school crowd.
Try a women’s-only adventure.
Ideal for a mother-daughter vacation, a women’s-only trip tends to create a special community that extends to everyone in the group, whether you’re solo, with a friend, sister, etc. My daughter loved a women’s-only trip we took together, despite being the youngest person there. The other women travelers were very solicitous of her, showed genuine interest in her future plans, and always included her in conversations at the bar or in the hot springs.
“They didn’t treat me like a kid,” she beamed. “I was just one of the girls.”
An unexpected bonus: she was wowed by the professional caliber of the women in the group. A financial manager, a tech startup executive, an academic researcher–I could not have asked for a more inspiring group of women role models for my new college graduate.
Remember, she’s an adult.
OK mom, pop quiz time: you are spending a long weekend in Florence and doing some shopping after your Tuscany Bike Tour. Your daughter is preparing to purchase a Prada handbag that costs at least a month of her salary. You say:
- A. “Oh honey, that’s so expensive. Let me buy that for you.”
- B. “What is the interest rate on your credit card!? Have you paid your student loans this month?”
- C. “Oh, that’s such a cute bag. I’ll wait for you outside.” (And you quickly walk away before A or B comes out of your mouth.)
The answer, of course, is A. Just kidding! It’s C. She is an adult, after all. And assuming it’s her own money, it’s up to her how she spends it. (Besides, there is always a tiny chance that handbag might just turn up under the Christmas tree, wrapped and with your name on it.)
Ultimately, the key to a successful mother-daughter trip is about balance—finding the right mix of sharing experiences and respecting personal space. The sweetest bit is that in addition to creating lasting memories together, you’ll get to watch firsthand how your daughter is exploring, learning and growing more independent. With a little planning and consideration, your mother-daughter getaway can be magical, not torturous.
